I do not pretend to hold every answer for how we rise to this each day. Yet I believe we share a common aim. As Dr. Foster Cline and Jim Fay so clearly articulated, it is “to raise self-confident, responsible, and motivated children who are ready for the real world.” 

In Parenting with Love and Logic, and in chapter two of Mission Possible: Raising Responsible Kids, a section titled “Responsibility Cannot Be Taught” captures the heart of this work. What, then, does it mean to teach liberty and responsibility? How do we accomplish it through the ordinary moments of daily life? How do we transmit the hard work and dedication into the hearts and minds of our own children. The answer is both simple and deeply intuitive, and not the wisdom of experts, but a truth we already sense. 

Let us be honest: the parents who shout loudest about responsibility often raise the most irresponsible children. The most responsible young people usually emerge from homes where the word “responsibility” is rarely spoken and where overt demands for responsible behavior are almost never issued. You and I know this to be true: responsibility cannot be taught or lectured; it must be caught.

To inspire our children to desire responsibility, we must watch carefully for the moments when they can practice its art. Parents who raise responsible children expend little energy fretting over their children’s duties. Instead, they concern themselves with how their children encounter Significant Learning Opportunities—SLOs—for their own irresponsibility. These parents understand that they cannot apply their own problem-solving skills to every interaction their child has with the world. Children are continually learning which resources to draw upon, how to meet failure, and how to seek the best solution next time. They are assembling a tool belt of life skills, and most importantly, they are learning when to call in the cavalry. In short, they are meeting the essential building block of leadership: failure. 

We can remain empathetic, supportive, protective, and accessible parents without solving every problem for our children. To do otherwise is like attempting to inspire a mathematician by completing every equation on their behalf. 

At Academy we say that “accountability is the pathway to freedom.” When we are accountable for our actions, no one else needs to manage them for us. A liberty-based leadership education therefore aims not only to form great citizens and souls, but also to give practical expression to our fourth Core Value: scholar-empowered learning. 

Children who grow in responsibility grow in confidence through estimable acts—the true prerequisite for success in the real world. The process of contemplating, calculating, strategizing, achieving, struggling, and failing builds better decision-makers: resilient young people who can reach for a full toolkit of life skills. 

Of course, this is not a call to let our children charge unguided into every pothole. That is not the work of a mentor. Rather, it is an invitation—especially for those of us who feel the intense pressures of raising children amid the demands of modern life—to return to our shared goal. 

If we are feeling those pressures keenly, we may need to ask ourselves difficult questions:

•  How much are we doing for our children that should naturally be left for them to do on their own? 

•  Are we truly allowing them to navigate problems, or are we imposing our own problem-solving skills and then offering artificial celebrations that primarily reassure us? 

•  Are we intervening precisely when a Significant Learning Opportunity is about to unfold, or are we permitting circumstances to develop so that learning can reach its fullest potential? 

•  How are we inspiring our children to treasure and value estimable acts? 

•  What mentoring conversations can we hold this week that encourage greater interdependence and virtuous action?

I also invite each of us to take a personal inventory: 

•  What challenges have you overcome because of a Significant Learning Opportunity? 

•  How did you learn? 

•  How has responsibility—both as a child and as an adult—shaped the person you have become? 

I know the pressure of trying to be a “super parent.” I feel it too. Yet when we stop attempting to orchestrate every outcome for our children, the load grows lighter. 

May we remind ourselves that we are already everything to our children. They watch us and absorb more from our everyday actions than we will ever fully know. We are the most visible sign of servant leadership they will encounter. Every hug we give, every tear we wipe, every dinner we set upon the table, every school assignment we guide, every book we read, every game we play, and every laugh and smile we share—all of it matters. Our presence in their lives is immeasurable. 

Thank you for all you do to love and support your family. It is truly the foundation of humanity.